Through the Seasons

Broken Clay

2012-01-28T11:35:00.000-08:00

I recently read an article that triggered a memory of a lesson I used with my 6th graders one year. The kids were having a very difficult time using their words kindly, so I had them take a fresh piece of paper, crinkle it into a ball as tight as it would go, and then open it up and try to smooth out all the wrinkles and make it clean again. They couldn’t. And what I told them is that their words are like that to others. Every time they say something unkind to someone, they cause a wrinkle…and as hard as we may try to iron out the page again, there is still a mark that is left. Well, this article I read earlier this week brought that back to mind but in a different perspective and in the form of clay pots. Allow me to share…

For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ~2 Corinthians 4:6-7

I am a clay pot in my Maker’s hands. I started out with value and beauty, untainted by the world. But as time passed, life experiences slowly chipped away at me, leaving scuffs and small scratches. If those small scratches weren’t enough, I then experienced things that caused severe blows and broke pieces off. It left me aching for what once was…the little girl of my childhood who was carefree and pranced around the house in my bathing suit (I don’t know why!), royal robe (bathroom towel) and paper crown (laden with jewels), declaring to all my royalty. But now, broken, bruised and chipped by life, I had been left wondering where to go. Wondering how to pick up the pieces…

It was at the cross, where my Maker, carefully examined each tattered piece, familiar with each circumstance that caused it…and where He began to slowly restore this clay pot.

But as He restored, there were parts that were so crushed they left tiny holes. But Jesus, with His hands bleeding from my sharp edges, and His blood covering me, recreated this pot and left His blood stained fingerprints all over His new creation. And He lovingly put me back together…even left some of the holes that couldn’t be patched and with persistence He reminded me that it is in those holes where His beauty is shining through in the depth of my brokenness. His light can shine in the brightest in them. It is in my brokenness that His glory shines through, showing the world that nothing is too great for Him to overcome.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3

These imperfections caused by life’s difficulties are a thing of glory – if I let them reflect His light. They have caused me to fall at the foot of His cross, to empty myself out before Him and to allow Him to reconstruct who I am so that I may be used by and for Him.

And while I was trying to piece together my own pot, there were pieces that just wouldn’t fit like they used to and I desperately wanted to take them apart, sand them down and try to fit them in again. I realized that sometimes God does that with us. He will allow us to go through the same lesson twice, sometimes even more, so that we can be sanded down…even to the point of causing a little hole in our pot, just so His glory can shine through.

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven. ~Matthew 5:16

And even though I am imperfect, I am a new creation in Him. And I can trade in my bathing suit, robe and paper crown for “…a crown of beauty…a garment of praise…” (Isaiah 60:3)…and ultimately for a “crown of life” (Revelation 2:10) as I spend eternity with my Maker, the King of Kings, the Great I AM.

...and when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that does not fade away. ~1 Peter 5:4

(to see the article that sparked this... go here.)

Baal Perazim

2012-01-17T21:01:00.000-08:00

"When the Philistines heard that David had been anointed king over all Israel, they went up in full force to search for him..."

1 Chronicles 14:8

David was anointed by God for a purpose...to be king over His people so that God's people would know Him. But with that anointing, came opposition from the enemy. In this case, the Philistines. And it wasn't just one or two coming against David...but the full force. All. And what does he do? He goes out to meet them...

"...but David heard about it and went out to meet them."

1 Chronicles 14:8

I'm not so sure I'd have that courage, even if God told me to. One person against a full force?! No thank you!! But David is a better person than I am. Instead of fear or choosing to cower in a corner, he inquires of God. Now that's a smart man! I have something to learn from him!

"...so David inquired of God: 'Shall I go and attack the Philistines? Will you hand them over to me?' The Lord answered him, 'Go, I will hand them over to you.'"

1 Chronicles 14:10

But it gets even better...

"So David and his men went up to Baal Perazim and there he defeated them."

1 Chronicles 14:11

Sweet! God said David would be victorious and he was. But that's not what has my mind in a state of percolation. Instead, I'm focused on Baal Perazim. Do you know what it means? Good. Neither did I. So I looked it up...and it means "the Lord who breaks out".

Hmmmm...."the Lord who breaks out". Now the switch in my brain has been turned on. What are areas in my life where God needs to break out, where I need to relinquish control, where I need to stop looking at the circumstances and simply trust Him? Or, what are areas that He's already brought break through but I'm still not choosing to fully trust Him? Where have I let the enemy attack me again? Or...what are the things that God is wanting to break through in right now, but I'm too busy over analyzing it or I am trying to tell Him "No, I'm not ready"... See my state of percolation...all these questions...and no clear answers. Yet.

But moving on...(I really could camp there all day)...Look what happened to David after that victory...

"Once more the Philistines raided the valley; so David inquired of God again..."

1 Chronicles 14:13-14

Do you see what I see? God had already defeated the Philistines for David, already granted victory. And what do the Philistines do? Come back for more...glutton for punishment if you ask me! And yet that's exactly what our enemy does. he tries to defeat us and if he doesn't win, he tries again and again and again. His goal is to crush us. But if you look closely at what David did, you'll find the key to ultimate victory.

David inquired of God...again. He didn't wallow, whine, complain or pitch a fit like I'm prone to do. He instead went to God to inquire of His next move. And God didn't disappoint. He clearly stated what David was to do to gain the final victory (1 Chronicles 14:14-17).

What a lesson for me to have to grasp! There are things that I know God has called me to, and the enemy has attacked and God has brought victory....He has broken out. And yet, when the enemy attacks again, instead of turning back to God, I desire to throw my hands up and wave the white flag. But if God is the one who breaks out victory, who is the Baal Perazim, I need to stand steadfast in trusting Him in that valley no matter how many times the enemy tries to defeat me. I must inquire of God and let His power win the victory for me!

Worth It.

2011-11-29T17:35:00.000-08:00

Faith in God that sees beyond present bitter setbacks. Freedom from the securities and comforts of the world. Courage to venture into the unknown and strange. Radical commitment in the relationships appointed by God. This is the woman of Proverbs 31:25 who looks into the future with confidence in God and laughs at the coming troubles.

~John Piper

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. ~Proverbs 31:25

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. ~Psalm 34:19

Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. ~1 Peter 4:19

Even through the sins of his people, God plots for their glory...the worst of times is not wasted. When you think He is farthest from you, or has even turned against you, the truth is that as you cling to Him, He is laying foundation stones of greater happiness in your life...all things mysteriously serve God's good ends.

~John Piper

I may not fully understand trials, but I know that I can stand strong with the security that God has a purpose behind it all. It's not always about what I see, but more about the journey and the end result...and as long as I am still praising Him in the end, then all the trials are worth it.

If it draws me closer to You Lord, it was worth it.

If it causes me to lay down my life at Your feet, it was worth it.

If it causes me to abandon worldly pursuits, it was worth it.

If it pleases You, it was worth it.

If it causes me to love You all the more, it was worth it.

I'd rather experience the trials if it causes me to leave my comfort behind, pick up my cross, and follow You. My ultimate goal is to be found in You, to love and serve You. Your end result is the ultimate gain. And the funny thing is, the trials won't be so painful when I am looking into Your light. In fact, the pain may actually be pleasant and refreshing as I am refined for You.

Christian thanksgiving is the life of Christ in the heart - transforming the disposition and the whole character.

Thanksgiving must be wrought into the life as a habit - before it can become a fixed and permanent quality.

An occasional burst of praise, in the midst of years of complaining, is not what is required. Songs on rare, sunshiny days; and no songs when skies are cloudy - will not make a life of gratitude. The heart must learn to sing always.

The lesson is learned only when it becomes a habit which nothing can weaken. We must persist in being thankful.

When we can see no reason for praise - we must believe in the divine love and goodness, and sing in the darkness.

Thanksgiving has attained its rightful place in us, only when it is part of all our days and dominates all our experiences.

~J.R. Miller, 1912

Letter to Grandma

2011-10-21T11:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Grandma Kay,

As I ponder life this past year, and losing you to cancer, I've thought of your influence in my life. Who knew that 10 years ago when you gifted me with the black leather journal, that my heart would find solace in the pages it held. That my mind would find the space to be calm. That my hand would record mistakes and lessons learned. Or that I would begin to find my identity in Christ. Your simple gift may not have seemed so profound then, but over the last 10 years it has propelled me on a journey closer towards my Savior.

And as I celebrate this first birthday without you, I can't help but ask "Did I show you Christ's love? Did you see Him in me?" And..."do you see me now...are you watching my life unfold as you sit near Him?"

I miss you and long to share my heart with you. But all I have to do is look around and I see the things your hands have crafted for me over the years. And I can look at who I am and see the legacy you've left behind in me. Parts of you are within me...my character, the way I love. I pray that that part of me never dies, that I can pass on those parts of you to my children one day. Thank you Grams for your influence upon my life. I love you and miss you today.

Love Your eldest grandchild,
Summer

P.S. A card just arrived when I got home. Grandpa lovingly sent me a card that you had made. Tears have come...I do miss you so very much! And I can still hear you say, just a few days before you passed "Your eyes are sparkling. You are so beautiful". Yes grams...what you hopefully saw was Christ in me...and now may you be seeing Him face-to-face.

A Lesson Revisited

2011-10-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

I was just teaching this to some kiddos just yesterday. If we are not responsible then we will keep making the same mistakes until we take responsibility of them. Ugh! If only I had listened to what I was teaching. I wrote a post on Car Sickness (really...it's not entirely about what you might think!) earlier this summer and as I was writing my thoughts out the other day, they seemed vaguely familiar.

Questions. Doubts. Thoughts. All tumble through my mind. Wondering when and where I lost sight of all that's important.

Struggling. Just like Peter, who had the faith to step out of the boat - because his eyes were on Jesus. And who sunk the moment he looked at the sights around him.

I've stopped looking at Jesus and have let others dictate my relationship with Him. Allowed them to measure if my faith was strong. Looked at the world for confirmation that I was doing alright. And as I did, my God-confidence faltered. I have been allowing others to determine my worth and have let their opinions of things to determine my security.

I know how wrong this is. And yet, instead of stopping it, I reverted to my old self and continued until I felt beaten down and broken.

And at the end of this brokenness, there He is. Arms open wide. Waiting with love.

As I settle into His loving embrace and turn my eyes back to THE Prize, peace envelops me. My faith rises and I desire only Him once again.

If I covet any place n earth but the dust at the foot of the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.
~Amy Carmichael

Foundational living

2011-09-23T05:27:00.001-07:00

For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

Hebrews 11:10

foundation = a basis upon which something stands or is supported; an underlying base or support; a body or ground upon which something is built up or overlaid; a woman's supporting undergarment, corset...BAHAHA...just had to add that last one since it was in there..

Hebrews 11 is called the faith chapter. The Hall of Fame of Faith. And for good reasons. People like Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, the Israelites, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah (had to look that one up on Judges 11), David, Samuel, and the prophets are all mentioned in this particular chapter. Quite the list! And as I was reading I began to wonder...what was it about each of them that caused their name to be associated with faith?

And then I cam across Hebrews 11:10 and the answer seemed to leap off the page and to my heart.

The key is their foundation!

Now I've heard it said, and yes I've even sung the song...mind you this is my summary of it...and I'm singing it as I write it...

The wise man built his house upon the rock; the foolish man built his house upon the sand, and when the winds came his house went SPLAT! (Based on Matthew 7:24-27)

I'll admit it though, I've thought "Yea ok, I'll build my house upon Christ." Got it. Check...just like I was checking it off my grocery list. I don't think I've ever let the truth and weight of it sink into my heart.

In viewing this truth in such a flippant way, I've caused serious damage to myself. When the storms came, I've fallen apart under their weight. My foundation was built by my own human hands and they were not strong enough to withstand the pressures of this world. And here I was thinking I my faith was so strong!

As the truth of real faith cut open my heart, God in His love has been disciplining me and redirecting me to just Who the author of a foundation of faith really is. Him! When He is the architect and builder, the pressures of this world fade away. Yes they try to tear apart the foundation but God's Sovereign hands hold it together and nothing, NOTHING, of this world can tear apart His handiwork.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. ~Hebrews 11:13

These people of faith stood strong even in the face of unfulfilled promises! They still trusted, believed, hoped and chose to put their faith in God. Their foundation was solid. Their lives were built by and upon Christ! Can I say the same?

As God tears down the foundation I built and builds His foundation in me, my questions is, in the end when faced with the possiblity of unfulfilled promises...will I still choose to trust and believe Him? I hope I can say yes, but really, if I'm honest with myself...will I really be able to say that?

God has placed promises in my heart, written them upon His foundation in my soul. If I never see them fulfilled, will I still have faith and hope as I take my last breath?

As I've been pondering this, God brought the answer.

And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth...they were longing for a better country - a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. ~Hebrews 11:13-16

Since the people of faith in Hebrews 11 built their foundation upon Christ and not this world, their focus was not on the world, but on eternity. Instead of dwelling on the unfulfilled promises, their eyes were on the promises that God had awaiting them in heaven.

My eyes, instead of looking at the unfulfilled promises, need to be on eternity. Faith and hope are built up by Christ so that I may worship Him, not only here on earth, but for eternity. God does not build my life upon His foundation just so that I may have a wonderful, happy life on earth but so that I may praise, worship and glorify Him...now and forever. My life should not be lived for just the worldly promises. Yes, experiencing them is wonderful...but not my goal. The people listed in Hebrews 11 were marked for their faith and trust in God...no matter what, no matter the cost. I wish and hope that in the end, my life will be marked by a desire and faith to do what God asked of me...no matter the cost, even if it means leaving this world with unfulfilled promises. Let my eyes be fixed upon Him and what He has awaiting me in eternity, and let my foundation be marked by a faith in Him.

On the First Day of School My Teacher Gave to Me...

2011-08-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with the theme of "The 12 Days of Christmas" running through my head. But I was replacing it with lyrics to "The 1st Day of School". I know, the randomness of my brain. I can't control it. Can't contain it. Can't even tell ya what will come next! And this was all BEFORE coffee. Amazing feat to say the least. So for your pleasure, and you have to sing it out loud...not just read it! Because where would the fun be in just reading it, eh? (Ha..my inner Canadian just came out!)

On the first day of school my teacher gave to me, one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the second day of school my teacher gave to me, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the third day of school my teacher gave to me, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the fourth day of school my teacher gave to me, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the fifth day of school my teacher gave to me, five golden rules. Four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the sixth day of school my teacher gave to me, six textbooks, five golden rules, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the seventh day of school my teacher gave to me, seven homework assignments, six textbooks, five golden rules, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the eighth day of school my teacher gave to me, eight science journals, seven homework assignments, six textbooks, five golden rules, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the ninth day of school my teacher gave to me, nine paper cuts, eight science journals, seven homework assignments, six textbooks, five golden rules, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the tenth day of school my teacher gave to me, ten spelling words, nine paper cuts, eight science journals, seven homework assignments, five golden rules, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one shiny desk in a big classroom.

On the eleventh day of school my teacher gave to me, eleven books to read, ten spelling words, nine paper cuts, eight science journals, seven homework assignments, five golden rules, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one messy desk in a big classroom.

On the twelfth day of school my teacher gave to me, twelve sharpened pencils, eleven books to read, ten spelling words, nine paper cuts, eight science journals, seven homework assignments, five golden rules, four math tests, three essays, two bathroom passes and one messy desk in a big classroom.

Change is in the Air

2011-08-22T14:25:00.001-07:00

What happens when God tells you to move? You move! But sometimes I wish He would do the packing, purging, and organizing for me! Besides that wish, God has been challenging me to pay off debt, and to serve others more. I have been living in my current apartment for the last 6 years. ALL. ALONE. (Well...besides my cat, Madison). And in those 6 years, I haven't exactly lived to serve others as well as I could. My time was, well, my time. And I was very possessive with it. But a few months ago, I felt God nudging me to give up my time and start serving others, start pouring out my time for others. So....Laura Beth had proposed this option at the beginning of the year, and with some trepidation and serious thinking time, I accepted and have thus moved into their (their being Laura Beth, her husband Jeremy, and their 3 children, plus a dog) basement (and will also save money...wahoo!).

Today will mark my very first night starting out in this adventure. Needless to say, the kids are thrilled, but I am a bit nervous. This will take a lot of laying down of myself, a lot of sharpening of my character. It will not all be fun. There will be challenges and periods of serious growth...but at the same time, I know it will be wonderful to have others around me as I've grown somewhat lonely lately. And I do hope and pray that I can be a blessing to the Rhodes family as they are to me.

Change is never easy, but it is good when God calls you to it. So...when you step out in faith, this is what it looks like....

The empty storage unit that God provided within a half-hour of me asking for confirmation about whether this move was of Him or of me...yea...be careful what you pray/ask for...you just might get it...

And this is what a 2 bedroom apartment looks like in a 10x12 storage unit...yes...Tetris was my game when I was younger!

And the room as I was moving into it...

And now the semi-finished room....notice the mess on my table. Yep. My kitchen table followed me since I throughly enjoy having quiet times at it.

So here's to the beginning of a new adventure!

Car Sickness

2011-08-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

In all the setbacks of our lives as believers, God is plotting our joy. ~John Piper

Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left turn your foot away from evil.

Proverbs 4:25-27

And you thought you'd be reading about my adventures in dealing with car sickness. Hehehe...just wait!

So I've been in Kansas City only one week and at times it seems like days and at other times, years. So much has happend...joy, pain, confusion...It's difficult to process it all. But I'm trying. I know that God is at work. I've seen His mighty hand working miracles in my own life and heart. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me continue to share some more insight from John Piper regarding the book of Ruth and the road each of us travel upon...

At one level, the message of the book of Ruth is that the life of the godly is not a straight line to glory, but they do get there. The life of the godly is not an Interstate through Nebraska but a state road through the Blue Ridge Mountains of Tennessee. There are rockslides and precipices and dark mists and bears and slippery curves and hairpin turns that make you go backward in order to go forward. But all along the hazardous, twisted road that doesn't let you see very far ahead, there are frequent signs that say, "The best is yet to come."

~John Piper

As I was reading this earlier this morning I thought back to my family's many trips to Big Bear Mountain and my difficulties with feeling the need to have them pull over ever few miles so I can stare at the lovely ground...you get the picture right...not pretty! Car sickness is a wonderful reminder of where my focus should be. You see, if I keep my eyes straight ahead on the road, I can generally get through it without feeling the need to...you know... But the moment I begin to watch the scenery and get lost in what's going on around me, I become ill. And you might find this odd that I'm correlating car sickness to my walk with God...but hang in there with me.

I've noticed that as my gaze begins to look to the right and left at what everyone else has, or has accomplished, I become jealous and my focus is no longer on Christ but on what the world says I need. And it's so easy to do. It's attractive to see all that the world offers, just like the scenery on the windy road to Big Bear. But as I gaze on worldly attractions, I stray further from the path that God has for me, and my life becomes spiritually sick with anger, jealousy, pride, ambition...

Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories like Joseph and Job and Esther and Ruth is to help us feel in our bones (not just know in our heads) that God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ.

~John Piper

There isn't a straight path in front of me. There are many curves, hair-pin ones, switchbacks and the lovely ups and downs in the road. And just as I must keep my gaze upon the actual physical road when navigating that terrain, so must my gaze be upon Christ as I travel upon the road He has laid before me. He has not promised that it would be easy. There are times that it may seem like I'm traveling backwards in order to gain ground again. But they are a part of what He has planned.

For instance, we were in a car wreck this past Sunday (a truck rear ended us...and we're all okay) and since then I had been having a wonderful dull headache that would drain the energy out of me. It even progressed to the point yesterday where my jaw was hurting and made it difficult to chew anything. I was miserable but tried so hard not to let Alisha know that (yes...there's a bit of the pride there...and independence...God's working on that...). We went to the House of Hope and Healing last night, and I was reminded of something I wrote about a month ago. That post (Hello Mustard Seed) challenged my thoughts about healing...and God decided to bring that to my mind as we were sitting there and I was receiving prayer for my lovely headache. My faith may have been just as small as that mustard seed, but God knew that and had brought me back to that place in the road where I had believed in His healing, so that He could show His mighty works and heal me. I walked out of that prayer room, healed from the headache, the tension, and by the end of the evening..my jaw felt wonderful again. Even when I woke up this morning I was not racked with pain as I had been since the accident. In the midst of the pain it seemed like God had brought me ten steps backward, when in reality, He was trying to show His glory and His might so that I may move forward again.

My eyes needed to be upon Him, not upon what the circumstances were. My gaze had drifted to the side of the road once again and He used that pain to direct my eyes back to Him.

Everything we do in obedience to God, no matter how small, is significant. It is part of a cosmic mosaic that God is painting to display the greatness of his power and wisdom to the world and to the principalities and powers in the heavenly places (Ephesians 3:10). A deep satisfaction of the Christian life is that we are not given over to trifles. Serving a widowed mother-in-law, gleaning in a field, falling in love, having a baby - for the Christian these things are all connected to eternity. They are part of something so much bigger than they seem.

~John Piper

What I experienced, the setbacks I may have had in life, the small steps of obedience that He is calling me to...it's not about me...it's about Him. It's about His glory. It's about living my life for Him. My gaze is upon Him once again and my life is laid before Him so that I can say...

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Galatians 2:20

And hey...as a bonus when my eyes are upon Him...I won't get car sick!

Dry Bones

2011-07-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

The hand of the Lord was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me"Son of man, can these bones live?"

I said, "O Sovereign Lord, you alone know."

Ezekiel 37:1-3

I don't know about you but my first reaction is..."Uh, no God, bones cannot live again." But do you see the response given..."O Sovereign Lord, you alone know." That's faith and that amazes me! You see, it's not just about dry bones but about the death of my own hopes and dreams. There are things throughout my life that I've watched die and I wondered if they would ever see life again. And here's my answer..."O Sovereign Lord, you alone know." But wait there's more to this....

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.'"

Ezekiel 37:4-6

He will. God will bring dreams and hopes to life again. Will they look exactly as before...maybe, maybe not. Did these dry bones look exactly as before...I don't know. I would like to think that maybe they looked different because His breath of life was in them and they were a new creation.

So I prophesied as I was commanded [hello faith!]. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

Ezekiel 37:7-8

I don't know about you but I've been in this place where I could see the dreams coming to life, but they were just an exoskeleton...there wasn't any life, any breath in them. And that's a hard place to be. Seeing what could be, but not having the life and breath of God in them. And that's when they need to die. Die to my selfishness so that God can rebuild according to His plan and His life for me.

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.'" So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet - a vast army.

Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.'

Therefore prophesy and say to them: 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says: O my people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord. '"

Ezekiel 37:11-14

The hopes and dreams that I've had throughout my life may have seemed dead, but God will breathe new life into them. They may look the same as what I saw, or they may be different. But it will all be for His glory. Their death will be for His glory...not just so that I may see His works, but that all around me may see Him. The new life that He will breathe into me will be a testimony of His love, grace, glory and resurrection. And in the end it will be worth all the pain because I will be able to say...

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Seasonal Change

2011-07-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

It was not by coincidence that my blog was titled "Through the Seasons". My life seems to eminate seasonal changes. There have been times that I have experienced the overwhelming joy of a mountain top and times when I've experienced valleys as empty and bitter as a fierce winter, questioning whether it would ever end. And there's also been the mundane, all too comfortable routines of a dry, hot summer. Each experience and season has hopefully brought me closer to my God, but I will admit that there were times when I questioned God and His love for me. Times when I doubted His blessings would ever come.

For some reason, these last couple of days I've been reminded of all the different seasons I've walked through. As I've pondered it all, I see God's hand in every single detail. From the times I lashed out at Him in anger to the times of sweet fellowship in His Presence. And I've been reminded that there is a season for everything...

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end...

...I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere Him.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11, 14

This past fall was a time of weeping. Weeping that would overwhelm me in an instant. Weeping that stemmed from my grandmother's losing battle with cancer, two tragic deaths at one of our schools, and the closure of a disturbing case for one of my kiddos. For a while there, it seemed like no matter what I did, how hard I tried, or how much I pressed into God...He was silent. And the weeping would not end. But even though I could not see all that God was doing, He was moving. He was not silent. He was faithful and the weeping finally ending. And with it came such a sweet communion with my Savior. He had held me close to His side all throughout the fall and winter and was showing me how to love. How to care deeply. How to love others as He loves.

And as the springtime approached so did the laughter. It was an interesting thing to go from weeping to laughter...but what joy I experienced with it! It was as though God was saying...it's time to build you back up, time to refresh you and allow you to bloom where I have planted you (cliche, I know!). There were times that laughter eminated from deep inside my belly and I couldn't contain it...nor did I want to.

Now I am in the middle of my physical summertime and it seems like a spiritual one as well. It's been a time where He is tearing down strongholds in my heart and mending them to suit His needs. He is lovingly teaching me what it means to be open and vulnerable, yet to hide behind His protective covering. He has also begun to show me even more His heart for people and has challenged me to actually act out that love rather than just go through the motions. This means the continual laying down of my own life for His sake. My eyes have to be upon Him. It is not easy...and it hurts. But there is such joy and peace as I do what He asks and as I bask in His Presence.

With each season is a lesson, and with each lesson a desire for more of Him (yes...even when I was angry at Him). I don't know what lies ahead...nor do I really desire to. My heart's desire is to obey Him, right now, in this moment, with the day He's given me. Seasons will come and go, but I can stand strong knowing that my God never changes. The seasons are for my benefit as they are meant to draw me closer to Him, to set eternity in my heart. May it be His glory that shines from my heart and my life all of my days.

Hello Mustard Seed!

2011-07-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

"At that very time Jesus cured many who had diseases, sicknesses and evil spirits, and gave sight to many who were blind...'The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor...'"

Luke 7:21-23

I find it amazing that these things were happening...and I also struggle with it like a Pharisee. Could all of this really have happened? I admit doubt has crept in, but if I doubt that, then I may as well be saying the whole Bible is a fictional story...and I know deep down that is not so.

And because of that deep conviction that the Bible is Truth, I step out in faith and believe that everything it says is true. That includes raising someone from the dead, as well as the sea parting and David defeating Goliath. I must, in faith, take it all as Truth. But if I do so, then shouldn't I also, in faith, believe that miracles still happen?

If "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8), then I must have the faith to beleive that people can still be healed, sight can be restored and the dead can be brought back to life. God hasn't changed, nor will He. It is my mindset and lack of faith that has.

Our world is still full of Pharisees, we are still corrupt, and we still doubt. But God is asking His people to take a stand of faith, in His name...to begin to believe that the impossible is possible. That we, if we have the Holy Spirit living within us, have the power to give sight to the blind, "the lame walk, those who have leprosy (or any disease) are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised and the good news is preached to the poor." (Luke 7:21-23).

We have the power to heal - body and soul. So why do we hide this power...afraid of what the world may say? We must keep our perspective in place. This is our temporary home, our real home is awaiting us in eternity. What we do here on earth, can impact someone else's eternity.

I know my faith may be weak and I struggle with this, but God says...

"Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Matthew 17:20-21

My faith is small, but I am ready to move mountains for Jesus' sake. Are you?

not a fan.

2011-04-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?'

Luke 9:23-25

I have been challenged lately by what it means to love Christ. To really love Him. Not just to say "Hey, God I love ya. Could you help me out with my patience?". But to really lay down all of my desires for His sake.

For His Kingdom.

For His purpose.

It seems I have just gone through life as a fan of Christ. Thankful for all He can do for me...his forgiveness, grace, love. But I haven't really stepped over the threshold into a follower. I've been sitting on the sidelines cheering Him on. A spectator. But I desire so much more. I want to be found in Him. I want people, when they look at me, to see Him...not me. I want His glory, His light, and His love to radiate from within me. I want to lose my life for Him.

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed Him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

Matthew 4:18-22

Did you notice those words? At once. Immediately. There wasn't any hesitation. They desired what Jesus was offering so much that they left all they had, immediately, and followed Him. They were not fans. They were followers. They laid down their lives to follow Him.

I keep looking back at James and John and the fact that they were IN the boat with their father and that they immediately left their boat. Now in my mind, I don't see them gently walking out of the boat onto a dock, because really...did they even have docks? No. I see them out a ways, getting ready to cast their nets into the water...and here's Jesus on the shore, shouting to them to follow Him. And what do James and John do? They immediately drop their net, leave their father without so much as a goodbye, leap out of the boat and into the water head first and swim to shore as fast as they can. They were devoted. Their enthusiasm could not be contained.

I want to be like that. When God says move, I want to move. No questions asked. Just move. Jump. Leap. Do whatever it takes to follow after Him with all that I am.

Another example is Elisabeth Elliot. Her husband and four other missionaries were killed by the Auca Indians. And what does she do? What God tells her...which is contrary to what the world says. She moves into the same village, with the same people who killed her husband. And it's not just her, she brought along their 3 year-old daughter. That takes faith. And trust. But she laid down her life for the sake of God, and God moved in the hearts of the Auca people. Read her story in "The Savage My Kinsman". Allow it to change you as it did me.

When God calls you. Be ready. Don't just be a fan. Be a follower. Be willing to lay down your life for Him. It may go against what the world says is "normal", but if it didn't then God couldn't shine through it. God doesn't want us to just blend in...He wants us to shine. It's hard to be a light when we look like everyone else.

I know that I am choosing Him. No matter the cost. No matter the call. I am not a fan. I am a follower. Are you?

At the Altar

2011-04-07T06:54:00.000-07:00

Again, another amazing piece from my devotional that touched the core of me. Hope you are able to glean something from it too.

"Then the Lord will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness." Malachi 3:3

Everyone has an altar. It can be visible or invisible, holy or profane, elaborate or ordinary, but it's always there. It can be based on ideologies, dreams, or simple pleasures, but we can always find a foundation. We have to; everyone's life needs to revolve around something.

Because everyone has an altar, everyone brings offerings. Some people offer their bodies to people and pleasure. Others offer their minds to areas of study. Still others offer their emotions to a trend of the day or a relationship of the month. We can offer finances to gods of materialism and exploitation, time to gods of entertainment and apathy, and talents to gods of fame and fortune. We have no shortage of gifts to bring to our altars, because the world has no shortage of altars. All human beings are drawn to a cause, even if the cause is themselves.

Part of the Refiner's purpose is to get to the bottom of those causes and burn all of them away except one. That's why people often come to Christ when they're in the midst of a crisis or when they've lost everything they once thought mattered to them. In a world of false altars, the only way God can establish true praise in His people is to break down His rivals. His Word calls that 'refining'. We call it pain.

Yes, it's painful to live in this crucible. But before you despair, try this exercise: Offer your pain on the true altar. Bring all of your trials, your temptations, and your disappointments to God; place them on the altar and worship. Ask God to use every hard thing in your life to display something of His glory - in your sin, mercy; in your impossibilities, miracles; in your sickness, healing; in your turmoil, peace. Realize that every situation in your life is a platform for God to show something of Himself. In the end, the beauty of the metal will demonstrate the beauty of the Refiner.

"All along the Christian course, there must be set up altars to God on which you sacrifice yourself" - Alexander Maclaren

Eyes for Glory

2011-02-25T06:51:00.000-08:00

"As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more." -Psalm 71:14

"Hope can see heaven through the thickest clouds." -Thomas Benton Brooks

My devotional this morning was on Psalm 71 and it spoke of praising in the midst of trials. Some trials seem small...others overwhelming. Right now, I'm just struggling with insecurity and overcoming my need to please people. Work has been stressful (to say the least) and the demands have been high...more than I feel like I have the strength for. But thankfully it's not my strength I need to rely upon but His. And in the midst of all these demands and character trials...I WILL find ways to praise Him just as the devotional mentioned...

The psalmist is in the midst of a crisis. He needs rescuing. We don't know the exact trial he is going through, and it doesn't really matter. We know his response. Though he has enemies who conspire against him (v.10), he knows where to find help. His problem leads to praise.

God is looking for those who will worship Him not only in spirit and in truth - as Jesus says in John 4:23 - but also in crisis. He seeks those who can look beyond the clouds that threaten and hover over them to His radiance that thoroughly surrounds them. And when He finds them, He blesses them.

That's a difficult maturity for most Christians to learn. Our natural reaction in a trial is to flee, or to beg for relief. And we have plenty of biblical examples; asking God for deliverance is thoroughly recommended throughout the Word. But is there panic in the asking? Our weak souls are easily unnerved, but there's a better pose: We can praise God, knowing that when we call, He will answer. He may not answer exactly the way we expect - though often He does - but He will answer, and His answer will be good. We can count on that. Those who do will pray for deliverance not in a panic, but in a rock-solid trust. God will save. It's His nature.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, and He has commanded us to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6). The apostle who penned those instructions would know. He went through all sorts of trials and tribulations, and he always found God faithful. He and Silas were able to sing praises from the depths of a Philippian prison. We should be able to do the same.

God went to great lengths to redeem us and call us His children. He did not intend for us to live in anxiety, wondering where each new threat will drive us. He gave us eyes for His glory; we are to see Him in every circumstance. After all, seeing the resurrection beyond the shroud is what our faith is all about.

From the "Worship the King" Devotional

Chris Tiegreen

So...anyone want to praise God with me?

Life in a Nutshell!!!

2011-02-21T14:51:00.001-08:00

Life as been B.U.S.Y. So...for your viewing pleasure...here are just a few snapshots of what I've been up to lately....

Christmas 2010 - California

New Years Eve 2010 - Ice Skating

Sledding- February 21, 2011

Divine Romance

2010-12-18T22:59:00.001-08:00

There comes a point when a simple revelation can change your whole world. The revelation that Jesus really is all you could ever want or need.

It's the revelation of true contentment of where God has you.

Right now.

This very instant.

And when it comes, a peace settles over you as you realize that everything is okay and will be okay. God is in control and you are right where He wants you. Your heart is tuned to Him, joy fills your being, peace settles deep within your soul, and your eyes gaze upon His beauty.

You know that this is what you've longed for, what you've cried out for. A deep communion with the One who created you - who knows the depth of your being.

As you dance with Him, He gently leads you to new places. Places that He has groomed for you since before you were born.

He leads.

You follow.

And mountains move.

All creation watches as God takes you to His hidden garden full of rich floral scents, cascading falls, and warm sun rays. It is in this hidden place where He speaks to your soul, drawing you even closer to Him. He begins to speak of things to come...of the power He has placed in you...for His glory...of His hopes, dreams and desires for you.

Your heart, already full, now overflows with His great mercy and love. You fall on your knees in worship of the one your heart loves. You know that as long as your hand is in His, your heart humble before Him...you will be used by Him and for Him.

He gently leads you around the throne room and you dance together to heavenly songs sung by angels. Yes, you are content, right here, in the arms of your Savior.

There is no other place you'd rather than in the arms of Jesus.

Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty's all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I'm completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance

Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it's filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I'm completely satisfied

3rd (ieth) Birthday Bash!

2010-10-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

It all started at 11:30 at night last Wednesday (Oct. 20th to be exact), with someone banging on my door and ringing the doorbell. Considering that Dana had just tried to call me and I so graciously ignored her call (I was asleep after all), I figured it was her and Mike messing around and wanting to wish me happy birthday. I tried so hard to ignore them. But when the noise continued I begrudgingly got out of bed and opened the door, giving her my best death glare. She had a surprise for me! My dad came around the corner with roses and balloons! :D The last time he was up here was when I moved here 8 years ago. I was able to spend four days with him....just he and I. LOVED IT! I took him around MT to show him some of my favorite spots....Ryan Dam and Fort Benton. Then, on Saturday, Laura Beth was hosting (and creating) my 3rd (ieth) birthday party....with party hats, noise makers, and even a pinata! I love partying like I'm a kid again. It was so much fun...thank you again LB for all of it...and Courtney for some of the ideas! I felt so blessed to have people there to share it with me...and to have my dad there to meet everyone. And now, a week later, I'm still trying to recuperate from all of the fun!

Monday Musings

2010-10-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

1. I have exactly 51 hours and 40 minutes left of living life in my 20's.

2. I'm having a hard time with that change.

3. So to celebrate, I am having a 3rd birthday party thanks to Laura Beth. :)

4. Life has been busy lately. So busy that I have obviously neglected my blog here.

5. But don't worry, life is good. Very good!

And because I cannot think anymore, here are some pics of what I've been up to...that's what you're after anyways, isn't it?!

God's Chisel - Masterpiece

2010-09-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

Need Washing?

2010-09-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

This was sent via email from my aunt and I just had to share it.

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in WalMart. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.

It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of raingutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there, under the awning, just inside the door of theWalMart. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.

I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in,

'Mom let's run through the rain,' She said.

'What?' Mom asked.

'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated.

'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.

This young child waited a minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain..'

'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.

'No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

'This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not getwet?'

'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ' If God can get us through this, He can get us through anything! ' '

The entire crowd stopped dead silent.. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let'sus get wet, well maybe we just need washing,' Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked. They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all theway to their cars. And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciatethem, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Letters to God

2010-08-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

It's probably not a smart move to watch Letters to God, a movie about a boy with brain cancer, while my own grandmother is in the midst of battling brain cancer. And I'd love to give you the really-long-can't-spell-it name of the cancer....but I really can't spell it because it's too long. And now as I am getting ready to go to this amazing coffee shop with a friend tonight, I'm battling with my make-up because it will not cover up the red puffy eyes as a result of my movie selection.

And try as I might, I could not hold back the tears. Now I don't mean one or two glistening tears, I mean full out sobbing because the movie struck my heart. And I cried, and cried...and well...cried. But I know that it is a healing process for me to do so, I'm just not used to it. I've never been one to cry over movies or even cry easily. But as of lately, my heart is much more sensitive and the tears seem to come without much work. Could it be that I just came back from California where I spent some time with my grandmother? Could it be the fact that I also came home with a painting from her, which makes me miss her? Or could it be that God is working in my heart and bringing out past pain to allow healing? Or is it all three?

Whichever it may be, I am learning to not fight it so much but rather to let God use it to draw me closer to Him. It's not easy for me though. I'd love to fight and act strong....but what's the use? I'm not strong unless I can be found in Him. And I know that the hardest part of this battle is yet to come, and I pray that I cling to the One who can comfort and heal in the midst of trial and pain.

2010-08-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Ten Random things on Tuesday

2010-06-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

1. Netflix...AMAZING!!!!

2. Not only do I get the DVD's but I can also watch movies right on my laptop.

3. Due to that fact...I found a TV series that I haven't been able to locate anywhere else...and I just finished the last season of it. :)

4. Summer Discovery Camp started today. And I'm with the kinders. One question: What was I thinking?!

5. Granted, I only had 7 kids but geez they wore me out!

6. The gym kicked my butt today, and my legs, and my arms, well...my whole body!

7. I think my mischief of a cat was sitting on the kitchen table today. When I sat down ready for dinner I noticed quite a bit of cat hair on the place mat. She is in serious trouble! I do not want to eat cat hair for dinner thank you very much. Coughing up hair balls does not sound fun!

8. My goal this summer is to go through my bookshelves and read every book in there that has not been read before.

9. But I have a feeling Netflix will be interfering with that goal a bit.

10. Speaking of which...I think it's time for popcorn and a movie!

10 on Tuesday

2010-04-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

Introducing...

2010-04-13T05:42:00.000-07:00

...my cousin Matt & Sarah's newest edition...

Tobin Franklin

2010-03-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

My co-worker and friend is having a little boy in just over 6 weeks from now. A while ago she requested some art for his room. Well, I finally got around to it this weekend. The main thing she wanted was his name on it with particular colors on the whole canvas. So.....here's the finished product with a bit of my flair (the letters are a pale yellow with green circles and blue stripes in it):

And here's extra piece for her...just because I was having fun:

One more time...

2010-02-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

Ok. If you've tried to vote and haven't been able to, they've fixed that glitch. So please, go to www.merakoh.com/blog to vote for your favorite picture. If you need help deciding...mine is #3. :) The new deadline is Sunday....but don't wait, because I need your votes. Boy, I feel like I'm running for class Vice Prez again. Wish I could remember my slogan for it!

Criticism and Comparison

2010-02-21T07:57:00.000-08:00

There is a reason I don't like to take pictures for others. Criticism. I cringe at the thought of someone commenting on my pictures, and I think it's because so much of my heart is in them. I have not taken pictures for money, or fame, but for the love of photography...for capturing a moment in time and being able to reflect on it for years to come. So for me to enter a photograph in a contest is a huge thing for me because it opened it up for criticism. Never in my wildest thoughts did I think I would be a finalist....which then brings on the comparison.

Looking at the other beautiful photographs that are finalists, I wonder how in the world mine was chosen. And when I clicked on each of their names....they have their own photography business....and it's no wonder...their photographs are beautiful! It's so hard not to compare. But that's not what God has called me to do. He gave me a passion and it is not my place to judge who is better. We are all unique, and each photograph shows that. Each one, I think, brings out the personality of the artist, and I love it.

So instead of cringing at criticism and comparing my talent with others, I shall rejoice in God's blessing and gifting within each of us. And when I feel that self-doubt rising up, I will stand tall in God and His love for me.

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

2010-02-18T09:19:00.001-08:00

One of my photographs made it as a Top 5 finalist picture. The contest was to have the background tell the story of the photo. What is amazing about this is that I took this 8-9 years ago while in a photography class, and I took it with my full-on manual 35mm camera and developed the picture in the darkroom...on my own! Check it out HERE and vote...please, pretty pretty please!?

Oh and you could win a sweet digital camera if we get over 600 votes....and voting ends on Monday Feb. 22. So vote away!

Guitar lessons

2010-02-15T17:23:00.001-08:00

It's been 8 years since I started learning the guitar. And you would think in 8 years I would have something to show for it. Hey, even calloused fingertips would be great about now. But, due to the fact that since moving to Montana eight years ago, I stopped learning the guitar, I have nothing to show but a dusty guitar case. Poor, sad guitar.

But alas, I dusted the case off and began tuning this poor, sad guitar in hopes of making it happy again. And then....SNAP! I broke a string. That's what my guitar thinks of me for leaving it for so long. Oh but wait....I didn't ignore it for the whole eight years....I let other people borrow it and make it happy. However....it has been about a year since I took it out of the case, so I guess that's what I get.

Well....an hour later....with new strings on (yes, it took me awhile...remember I haven't done anything to it on my own for eight years....others have taken care of it for me)....it began to make music. Not beautiful music mind you....but music. Hey, I made a joyful noise to the Lord!

And now, a few hours later with numb fingers, I have learned the chords to the song Give Us Clean Hands by Charlie Hall. And look where I found my teacher....HERE! How cool is that?! My very own teacher that I can utilize at my convenience. I'm so stoked! Hopefully in a few weeks (yea, it takes me awhile!) I will be able to play it on my own. *Insert happy dance here* :)

Our version of the "Souper Bowl"

2010-02-07T11:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Great Falls Tribune,

I have been encouraged by the students here at Chief Joseph Elementary and wanted to share what they have been doing. Since November 23, they have donated non-perishable food items for the Salvation Army. In order to encourage the students a large football field was set up on a bulletin board, each classroom picked a team, and as they brought in items they moved along the "Souper Bowl" football field. Each item equaled one yard and when they reached 100 yards, they received a touchdown.

So for the last nine weeks, the kids have been bringing food in, above and beyond what I thought was possible. Together, our school of 270 students has donated 2,368 items of food. That means that they have filled almost 9 barrels of food! A few of our 6th graders went even further and used some of their own gift money to purchase food to donate. It has been amazing to watch these students give to help others in need and wanted to share what they have done!

Sincerely,

Summer

*I believe that the paper and the TV stations need a little positive info regarding our schools, so I submitted this to the newspaper in our town.

*Update: Today I found this in the paper. I'm glad we're not the only ones supporting the food bank. :)

Surprise Film!

2010-01-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

I took 5 rolls of film to Sams the other day to get developed. And the fun thing is, that I couldn't even remember what might be on those rolls! And then......this is my surprise. :D I did it. Check out this amazing photo!

Do you see that? I mean seriously! Do. You. See. That?! It just made my day to see that I captured the lightning.

And I know that I gave you a Christmas sneak peek and haven't done anything....hopefully this weekend I can get around to that.....because, in it you will get to see this amazing double exposure my cousin took. Ahhhh.....the joy of a 35mm completely manual camera. *Sigh*

Christmas 2009 Sneak Peek

2010-01-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

And then...

2009-12-18T03:42:00.000-08:00

"For such a time as this..." Esther 4:14

Esther's "for such a time as this" moment came through the ways of many 'and then' moments. God carved so many intricate details in her story that when the book of Esther is dissected, it is amazing to watch it all unfold with such precision. I am in the middle of a women's Bible study and we are completing Beth Moore's Esther study. I cannot tell you how many times my jaw has dropped open saying "wow"! Everything had to have happened at an exact moment, exact second even, for it all to unfold. But leading up to it all were 'and then' moments....or steps. If you were to take the book of Esther and bullet point all the 'and then' moments it would look like steps of a Honey Do list, with each one being checked off.

Well, as I lay awake once again in the wee hours of the morning this week, I realized all the 'and then' moments God played out just to make this week occur. And I am amazed. He knew what he was doing. Was building up momentum for the culmination of His grace, His love, and His mercy to be poured out on His children.

God placed the right people, in the right situations and moments for this all to unfold. I was just one of the playing pieces doing what He asked of me. And I think of that brave young lady from my previous post and her family (and thankfully they are His children too and have been in prayer about it all with me). . And God used them and placed each of them precisely where He wanted them to save someones life. And with all the 'and then' moments, He created a "for such a time as this" story this week. It brings me to tears to think of all that has had to happen to lead up to this, but I am so thankful that God is in control, and He saved one of His little children at a time where there is still hope for healing.

If ever you wonder why things are happening...it could very well be an 'and then' moment leading up to a very pivotal moment that God has orchestrated. Keep your eye's open for those moments, and don't forget to thank Him for them, no matter how hard they may be. I know I am thanking Him each moment right now.

Courage

2009-12-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

This week, there are so many at work who are excited for the Christmas break. And yes, I did just call it CHRISTmas Break. And I cannot blame them. I am too. Afterall, I get to escape these negative temperatures (seriously.....30 below is not my idea of fun. I like snow and all, but come on!) and retreat to sunny (cross-my-fingers) California.

But as a counselor, what I am learning is that this is not an exciting time for some. There are kids that don't really have a Christmas; however it's not those that are occupying my mind at this present time. It's those who are afraid of the break because horrible things happen when they spend too much time at home.

I can walk around the school and look into all their precious faces and it's hard to pick those kiddos out. But if you stop and look closely, you can see the fear in their eyes. It's not obvious....but it's there. And it saddens me. That the one place that should be a safe place for them, is not.

And that brings me to my title today: Courage. It amazes me how well kids can keep secrets....especially ones that shouldn't be kept. Which makes this one student so incredibly brave and couragous.

She didn't keep it in.

She spoke up.

When no one else did.

And because she did, she saved another student from a life that makes me sick to my stomach. She took that step and action was then taken to help her friend. And her friend may actually have a fearless Christmas now. The student may now be able to sleep through the night and know that they are safe from harm.

So this Christmas season, please keep this situation and this kiddo in your prayers. Life will be difficult but at least the student is now safe. And give thanks for another who was courageous enough to go against the grain.

And remember....God will win. So don't mess with Him!

The comfort of a friend

2009-11-29T17:33:00.000-08:00

Thankful for...

2009-11-25T16:04:00.000-08:00

A God who loves me
Books
Coffee, chocolate and ….um…. coffee
Decorations
Elf…the movie…makes me laugh big belly laughs!
Family
Gifts…giving and receiving
High heels for the diva in me
Inner child
Jewelry…what woman isn’t?
Kiddos all around me
Lattes…oh drats, I already mentioned coffee
Madison, my cat…her company
New beginnings
Oak trees
Photography
Quiet time
Reminders that life is precious
So I need to enjoy every moment
Tulips…red ones
Uniqueness
Victorious…with God all things are possible
Weather….this can be a difficult one
Xtra warm hoodies in the winter
You
Zany friends on road trips ;) Jen Canada

Red Lights

2009-11-11T19:10:00.000-08:00

911 Operator: 911, how may I help you?

Me: I just witnessed an accident at 15th St and 2nd Ave N.

911: Anyone hurt, ma'm?

Me: I don't know yet, hold on.........nope, they are okay.

911: Are there any fluids leaking from the vehicles?

Me: Hold on. Let me check. Yep, fluids.

911: What kind of vehicles were involved ma'm?

Me: A Trailblazer and an Explorer.

911: Okay, ma'm. Let me check...you are at 15th and 2nd?

Me: Yep.

911: Help will be right there.

Me: Thanks so much.

I suppose that's what happens when I try to "run quickly" home on one of my breaks. Last time I did this, I witnessed a poor dog and his last moments of life; and this time I watch someone run a red light.

I think I'll start staying at work. I'm not a fan of watching moments like these.

*And yes, I know I didn't post yesterday. It was Noelle's birthday and I was at dinner with her and then went to Bible study. I was exhausted when I got home. But there are still 19 more days of November to go.

Tasty Treat

2009-11-07T12:25:00.000-08:00

Spice Cookies & Pumpkin Dip: one of my favorite fall-time desserts!

3/4 cup of margarine, softened
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup of molasses
2 cups flour (I use whole-wheat flour)
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt

In a mixing bowl, cream maragrine and sugar. Add egg and beat well. Add molasses; mix well. Combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and salt; add to creamed misture and mix well.

Chill overnight.

Shape into 1/2 inch balls; place 2 inches apart on ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 375* for 6 minutes or until edges begin to brown. Cool for 2 minutes before removing to a wire rack.

Pumpkin Dip

1 pacakge (8 ounces) light cream cheese, softened
1 can (18 ounces) pumpkin pie mix
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

Beat cream cheese in a mixing bowl until smooth. Add pumpkin pie mix; beat well. Add sugar, cinnamon and ginger; beat until smooth. Serve with cookies.

Yields about 120 cookies and 3 cups of dip

10 reasons why I have an 8pm bedtime on a Friday night

2009-11-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

1. My principal was out of the building and in meetings most of this week.
2. That left me in charge.
3. That means that I get to deal with all the teachers and the kids they have issues with.
4. As a result, I heard the F word used a few times by students.
5. And I was flipped off by one of them.
6. He screamed at me when I called his mom.
7. He is a child with autism, so his behavior and voice level are magnified when I do so.
8. I wish I had a bulls-eye on my wall somewhere that reads "Bang head here".
9. I put in 21 miles on the elliptical and treadmill this week. Reasons: see previous statements.
10. I'm exhausted.

11. Bonus: I didn't have water earlier this week.
12. Double Bonus: My street is booby-trapped, and therefore requires a hard-hat and steel toe boots to get to my car.

Not my idea of fun

2009-11-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

And this is why I did not have water yesterday. They decided to dump it all in the street. Not my idea of fun. Ask my students. They steared clear of me yesterday. I like routine. I did not have it. I desperately need my routine. And coffee. The end.

Yea, baby!

2009-11-04T19:50:00.000-08:00

Now that's some bling!

Thought for the day

2009-11-03T20:24:00.000-08:00

God's time IS my prime. -Beth Moore

Just a little tidbit for those who believe I am hitting my prime age for marriage. And a little reassurance for me that I am okay where I am at in my life right now. :)

It's a good thing....

2009-11-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

.... that I'm not superstitious, because:
a black cat crossed my path,
during a full moon,
on Halloween.

NaBloPoMo 2009

2009-11-01T19:51:00.000-08:00

Okay. I'll give it a shot. NaBloPoMo. One post, each day, for the month of November. Here we go!

Apparently, Kayla doesn't believe I can do it.

2009-10-28T16:54:00.001-07:00

Dear Mr. Construction Worker,

First off, let me say that I'm very thankful you are such a hard worker and are so committed to your job. You have faithfully blocked off my street as well as the surrounding streets with such swift, graceful actions. There is sure to be absolutely no traffic going through your wonderful barrier.

I was wondering though, where you would like me to park, and how I am to access my house? You see, you have done your job so thoroughly that my poor little car cannot glide over your mountain of gravel to enter my street and my driveway. So kind sir, would you ever be so kind to efficiently do your amazing, wonderful, ever-so-important job so that I may access my home once again. My little car misses staring at my home each night and is getting homesick.

Thank you kind, hard-working, efficient Mr. Construction Worker.

Yours kindly,

716 #1

Belated Birthday

2009-10-24T17:06:00.001-07:00

At least I'm just as late in posting about my own birthday as I am with sending cards/gifts to friends and family!

Yes, yes. This past Wednesday, I inched ever so close to the big 3-0 (I'm now 29, thank you). Ha! In celebration of my birthday (which I proudly declared my selfish day...shame on me!), I went out to dinner with a few friends. Don't they look so enthused? I think it's just the camera they don't like...it's not me. Right?

And I had to show you the gift Noelle gave me. I got the biggest kick out of it. I'm all set. No man needed. Thank. you. very. much. I now have my own bling and house.

I had...

2009-10-20T12:47:00.001-07:00

....an amazing post idea
....awesome words to share
....fun pictures from this weekend

...BUT...I fell back asleep and lost track of the words and ideas I wanted to share. And as for the pictures....I'm feeling a little lazy and will do those another time.

Rotten Tomatoes

2009-10-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Text messages:

Me: Sorry. Can't watch Biggest Loser tonight.
Alisha (after show has started): this is not so much fun without you. it's like someone took away my rotten tomatoes to throw at the tv when something happens. i don't like it!

Hehehe. You see, Alisha and I have this habit of texting each other during our favorite tv shows while we are watching them in the comfort of our individual homes. We have considered watching them together, in one home. BUT...that would mean that one of us would have to venture out into the great big world in our pajamas before and after the show. And it's just too cold for either of us to consider doing that. So texting shall be our mutual mode of contact for reality tv.

Amazing Grace

2009-10-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

Seriously. You. Need. To. Check. This. Video. Out. Seriously.

Are. You. Serious.

2009-10-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

FTC wants to start regulating bloggers and reviews that they may post. Check this out for more information.

Can I hit the rewind button?

2009-10-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

Can this really be my little sister? The one, at two years of age with the adorable ringlets and strawberry stained face? And my oh my...where on earth did she get that sass?

2009-09-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

complacency: noun, plural -cies.

a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.

So because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
-Revelation 3:16

Scary as it may be, that is where I have been this last year. Complacent with life, myself, my job. And truth be told, I hate it. I dislike the lack of challenge, of fire or passion. It drives me crazy to just "get by" in life. And the funny thing is, I haven't done anything to change it. Nor did I equate being lukewarm with complacency. Complacency sounded so much better (until I looked up the definition) than being lukewarm. But truth be told, I have been lukewarm. And now that I've realized my cover-up, it's time to face the truth and do something about it.

Change.

Something needs to change to shake me up, to give me passion, to make me feel alive again. And so, today, I began that journey. And for the first time in a year, something stirred within me, and I began to feel alive again. I cannot believe how I've missed that energy! Why did I let myself go so long in the desert?

Leave it to me to not just change one thing in my life but numerous things...and all at once. I don't like to just dip my toe in the water and turn around. When I do something, I want to jump in so that there is no looking back. God will pluck me out and dry me off if it is not what He wants. But if it is....all the more reason to just jump! And so, as I stand here getting ready to jump, I now see that I have a clear pool of refreshing water enticing me.

Here I go......

Prayer is THE answer

2009-09-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:
'Let me see if I've got this right.

'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . I CAN'T PRAY?

Addition

2009-08-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

My cousin sent me this pic. I just had to post it to show our long-ago camping trips. :)

Back Row: (L-R) Reed, Christina, Matt, Me; Front Row: (L-R) Sarah, Ryan, Jessica

You can compare how we've grown with this post.

Cousins, hiking, and bears...oh my!

2009-08-04T06:44:00.001-07:00

On my way back from California, my sister and I drove up to Yosemite so that I could see my cousins. Back in the day we used to go camping at Bridgeport/Twin Lakes every summer. It was a time that brought such happiness, freedom and FUN! We would rent out numerous campsites and create a ginormous (dontcha like my words!) circle with all of the campers, RV's and tents with our fire pit in the middle and picnic tables lined up all around. We even attempted to have a hammock up a few times but alas...it would always fall with one or more of us sitting in it. Maybe that was because we would swing in it? We also had our fishing expeditions, hiking and biking adventures, star gazing in the big open field, and who could forget our bear lures?!!! Yes, I recall one time we threw left over food into a bucket, hung said bucket up from a tree, and waited for the bear to come enjoy our treat. What were we thinking?????!!!!!

Back to Yosemite. It's been a while since all of us could be together for a camping trip and when the trip to Yosemite was planned I decided that I had better take a detour to visit all of them and reminisce. This time, there weren't any bear traps, or star gazing. They were all too exhausted from hiking Half Dome. However, we did lounge around the bon-fire and found a way to rustle all of us together for a picture (for old-time sake). We have added a few to our mix. There's Christina's husband, Dustin, and Reed's wife Jessica and their son Will (both of whom were asleep when we were finally able to get everyone together for the picture). My how we've grown (wish I had a picture of our younger-day adventures...but I don't want to embarrass anyone!)

Back Row: (L-R) Sarah, Reed, Me; Front Row: (L-R) Christina, Dustin, Matt, Ryan; Missing: Jessica and Will, and my sisters Ashley and Karina

How much is that kitty in the window?

2009-07-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

Wednesday Wonder

2009-07-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

What a cool story.....

Click here!

Geography Lesson

2009-07-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

*You are entering into conversations bits throughout this past week. Be careful - this may scare you!*

Conversation #1:
Me: New Mexico. Now that wouldn't be a bad place to live.
Kayla: But you can't speak Spanish. You wouldn't survive there.
Me: New Mexico is in the UNITED STATES!
Kayla: Oh. I thought it was somewhere in Mexico.

Conversation #2:
Me: Rachel may get to visit Brazil.
Kayla: Brazil. Where's that?
Me: In South America.
Kayla: Which America do we live in?
Me: Seriously? You are asking me that? We live in North America.

Conversation #3:
Kayla: That's a cool license plate. They are from Saskatchewan. Where's that?
Me: In Canada.

And that folks, is the California education system at it's finest. :)

*And for the sake of my sister.....she really is smart....geography just isn't her subject!*

*And yes. I have a desire to move again. I just don't know where. I have the whole world full of possiblities. Any ideas? ....and California is not an option!*

Week 2 Review

2009-06-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

Sunday: Memorial Service for Ed Kettler then my cousin Christina's.

Grandma and her girls....Sarah, myself, and Christina

Soubey

Monday: Breakfast with my cousin Reed, his wife Jessica and their son, William.

Wednesday Morning: Karina's Kinder Graduation

Wednesday - Friday: Santa Maria....where Montana and California collide! Plus a trip to Solvang.

Saturday: Ashley and Karina's dance performance...whoops....no pictures..but they sure looked cute!

Sunday: A visit to the massive Bass Pro Outfitters store for Father's Day and more seafood for lunch.

Upcoming:

Monday: Yosemite
Tuesday: Mammoth
Wednesday: Pocatello
Thursday: Great Falls

Week in review

2009-06-14T08:11:00.001-07:00

Sunday: Dinner with Dad, Grandma, Dawn, Ashley and Karina (oops....forgot to take pictures!)

Monday: Lunch with Christina and a visit to Carlsbad Beach

Tuesday: Huntington Beach

Wednesday: Girls' day with Kayla

(Insert missing pic of pedicure here) :)

Thursday: Kayla's 8th grade promotion

Friday: San Diego Fair with Kayla and cousins Ryan and Christina

Saturday: BBQ at my mom's...no pictures again! :(

This next week: visiting cousins, a trip to Santa Maria, my youngest sister's dance performance, Father's Day and a trip to Yosemite on my way back to Montana.

Let the vacation begin!

2009-06-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

Do you see this?! I'm mean, seriously! Do. You. See. This!? Oh yea! That's where I'm sitting right now. RIGHT. NOW! Sweet, glorious, beautiful, wonderful, summer vacation!

I'm at my aunt's right now enjoying the view, the weather and the fact that I do not have a set schedule...other than driving up the coast to have lunch with my cousin and maybe read a book at the beach. Oh yea. I said it. Read. a. book. at. the. beach. Don't you wish you were me right now?

Well....I'm off to enjoy the crashing waves and some more seafood. Yep. I've had seafood every day since I've arrived. Oh how I've missed parts of California! Warm sand and crashing waves here I come!!!!!!!!

Breaking and Entering

2009-06-02T16:37:00.000-07:00

I came home today to find my window screen lying on the ground.

I woke up at midnight last night and found a cat sitting in my window sill...and it wasn't Madison as she was sleeping at the end of the bed (some watch cat!).

I woke up the other day to find the screen popped open a bit.

It seems that a grey cat outside would like to have a play date with Madison. However, Maddie is not too keen on it. She likes her territory....INSIDE the safety of the house. She is in no way an outdoor cat. Once when she fell out the window (don't worry, it's only a two foot drop), I found her hiding in the neighbors basement window-well until I got home. She LOATHES the outdoors.

I wish there was a spray to keep that grey-visitor outside. Ohhhh.....how about the sound of a barking dog when the cat comes near?! Oh wait....I would like to get some sleep too. Bummer....

Carpe Diem

2009-05-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

On a whim yesterday after work, I drove to Lincoln (about an 1 1/2 hours away) and went four-wheeling with a friend and his family. I had made a vow to myself that I would start living my life and find time to enjoy it....and this was one example of doing so. Normally, I would make excuses as to why I cannot do something so irrational, but not anymore. I'm going to start having fun!

Last night was a blast. I took that four wheeler out and hit any mud hole I could find! I laughed, got stuck a few times, and about threw myself from the four-wheeler when I tried to brake. I felt like a kid again and loved the freedom to roam through the hills looking for adventure. I seized this opportunity and I'm so thankful I did!

Class of 2009

2009-05-09T19:47:00.001-07:00

The time has finally arrived. As of yesterday, I finished my Master's degree in Counseling. Three weeks ago I did not believe this would happen. My professor had pulled me aside and informed me that he did not believe that I was a competent counselor and that I was not being authentic in class. Let me tell you, that sent me into a whirlwind of emotions; first came the tears then came the anger and fighting spirit that lies within me. I spent that following week working my tail off on my portfolio giving it everything I had. I thought I was ready for that last weekend of class. I was angry but ready to show him my true emotions, and maybe a little of what I thought of him, even if it jeopardized my chance at graduating. But hey, at that point in time, he didn't want to graduate me anyways, so what did I have to lose?

Then came Friday, they day my portfolio was due and I was to attend my last weekend class: Group Counseling. Now this class is not a normal class. Instead of lecturing or class discussions, we actually went through group therapy as a class. And it was in this class that he did not feel I was being authentic. I was ready. I was going to show my anger. But at 9am that morning, my world changed. It was then that I received the phone call about the death of my student. I immediately called my other professor asking permission to be excused from the internship class that afternoon so that I could help out at my school. She granted permission and I spent the entire school day with grieving kids while trying to handle my own grief. By 4pm, with only a half-hour until my group counseling class, I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to be angry at my professor anymore. I walked into that class and before anyone could even begin, I burst into tears, letting all the emotion flow through. I gave my professor real, genuine emotion. I was too tired to keep up the facade and no longer cared what others thought of me. I finally allowed myself to be free from the strive of perfection and let out everything that I had been holding in. My classmates allowed me to grieve, to be angry, to cry, to laugh and to find hope in the midst of my pain. And my professor finally saw the real me.

It's hard to admit that he was right, I did have a facade. I did not see it, nor did I want to admit to it. But E.'s death brought to light everything that I had been burying, and as hard as it is, I am thankful for the timing of it. Even as I type this, the tears come. I miss her. But she changed me. She allowed me to be me, for the first time in a long time. There are so many lessons that I could tell you that have come from the past three weeks, but that will have to come in time.

So yesterday as I walked into the office to defend my portfolio, I was unsure of the outcome. I was nervous, but I was also covered in prayer. The questions they asked were hard and I didn't have all the answers. I stumbled over my words and my thoughts, but I was honest with them; I was genuine. And in the end, I did pass, and that professor commended me on how I handled everything. He was sorry that he had to do all of that, but he was amazed at the complete change that occurred in me.

So, I've walked away with a Master's degree but more than anything, I've walked away a different person than when I first entered the program. I thought I was going to learn how to counsel others, and I did; but I also found healing in the things that I've buried so deep within me. God knew what he was doing the entire time, and I'm so grateful for it.

Loss

2009-04-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

How do you handle the death of a child? How do you pull yourself together to be a counselor to all the students affected by this tradegy? How do you grieve yourself over a child whom you loved from the first moment you met her three years ago? She was a student of mine for two years and now I was her counselor. How do I go into that classroom, that once was my own, and help the teacher inform them that their classmate died that morning? Tell me, how are you supposed to keep your composure when one of the children asks "Why did she die, she was just a child like me?" Tell me. How do you do it?

I lost it. Up until that point I was able to shed a few tears, help write the script that the classroom teachers would have to read, help children who might have trouble with this news, who may have other past losses surface. Up until that one question. Then the tears and reality hit, and I don't know how to handle it. And I don't want to hear all those syrup-ie answers about her being in heaven all healed and able to walk again. I just want to know, how do I handle it? How do I face those children on Monday and help them through this when I myself don't know how?

Nothing.

2009-04-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

Confidence gone. a
Frustrated. a
Tears. a
Fighting mad. a
Don't want to talk about it. a
Need prayer. a

Fondue Night

2009-04-14T17:37:00.000-07:00

Saturday evening we had Josh, Felicia, Jake and Jeremy over for dinner. Theme: Fondue. Now I've had fondue before, but it's always been the chocolate or cheese fondue, never had I experienced it where we cook the meat and veggies too. We all had a great time and enjoyed one another's company while devoring all the food!

After dinner we headed out to the hay loft to check out the fort that Jake had built the week before. This would be the same fort that Jen, Nikki and I visited the night before....and let me tell you....it was much more daunting at night! It didn't seem nearly as high during the day.

Nikki and I just hanging around in the loft.

Felicia having some fun!

Felicia, Nikki and Jen on the farm!

*Easter pictures to come tomorrow!

Happy Easter from Canada!

2009-04-11T11:40:00.001-07:00

Meet Betty. Betty is my co-pilot on this trip. She is a wonderful companion, however stubborn she may be. She has her moments of being a wonderful help, and others when she is just down right obnoxious and dangerous. Like when I was leaving Great Falls and she wanted me to turn left onto a one-way against the traffic. Seriously....is she trying to kill me?! Or how about the times when we did not agree on which road to take. She was very forceful in her opinion, but I'm pretty stubborn myself and chose to ignore her consistent voice telling me to turn around. Other than that, she is wonderful....even helping show me my speed in kilometers for the Canadian roads.....so I don't get another ticket up here.

How about some studying? ....while sitting at the border for 2 1/2 hours! That was a ridiculous line! But hey, I was able to get some homework done. :)

And here's one of Nikki, Jen and I. Good times, good times.

Spring Break is Here!!!!!!

2009-04-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

Things to do while on Spring Break:

Drive up to Canada! Yea baby!
Write my theory paper.
Complete my portfolio for graduation.
Laugh till I pee my pants.
Enjoy a warm cup of joe with Jenn. :)
Cry till we can't cry anymore.
Read the upteen chapters in my group therapy book for class next weekend.
Go to the top of the elevator shaft and stare out at the wide open spaces.
Take pictures!!!! Lots and lots of them!
Write reflections for my portfolio.
Laugh so hard that soda shoots out of my nose.
Coerce Jenn to be in my counseling video for my portfolio.
Listen to Nikki play the piano......maybe if I ask her nicely she will....
Finish the rest of my homework assignments and call it quits.
HAVE FUN!!!!!!

I'm outta here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Graduation, burnout and change.

2009-03-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

Try as I may, I could not find the Commencement letter I received regarding the graduation ceremonies. I had wanted to take a picture and proudly post here for all to see. Instead, I give you this lame logo. Yes, graduation is nearing. And I cannot be happier. It's been two years since starting my Master's. TWO. LONG. YEARS. of having no life what-so-ever. Now maybe I can go on a date. If only someone asked! HA. Maybe not. I kinda enjoy where I'm at. I have so much freedom and I'm not ready to relinquish any of it.

Oh and yea....with graduation looming.....so does my burnout rate. I've been working on a ridiculous amount of ethics homework lately. And I'm at the point that I just don't care! So what if I don't give it my all. I'm tired of doing all this work for a two credit course. Yes! 2 stinkin little credits. Meanwhile, my 6 credit course hasn't required nearly as much work. Explain that one to me! I. cannot. wait. until. i. am. done.

And change....... I had wanted to blog about this last night as I lay awake staring at my ceiling pondering just how much dirt is on my ceiling fan. My beloved principal, who encourages me, uses my strengths, and builds upon my weaknesses, is moving to another school next year. The one question I asked of her today was, "Can you negotiate me into your move?". Seriously!!!! This is difficult news. You can't ask for a better boss. She fought last year to get me into this counseling position. She thinks highly of me....and I'm not saying this to brag. She seriously does....I can post my evaluations if you'd like. I love working for her! And she's taking our fabulous secretary with her. Agh! Who shall I bother now? Will the next secretary understand my sarcasm as Teri does? Will the next principal allow me to come into his office and vent out my frustrations without writing me up for being so blatantly honest? See my selfishness here? I do. But still.........

Argh! Graduation, burned out from school work, and change! I need a vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-17T17:48:00.001-07:00

Zesty Grilled Chops

3/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 Tbls. brown sugar
1 Tbls. chili sauce
1/4 tsp garlic powder
6 pork chops

In a large resealable plastic bag, combine the soy sauce, lemon juice, brown sugar, chili sauce and garlic powder.
Remove 1/4 cup for basting and refrigerate.
Add pork chops to the bag; seal bag and turn to coat. Refrigerate for 3 hours or overnight (somehow I don't do steps 2-3 and it turns out just fine)
Grill chops, covered, over medium-hot heat until cooked.

Whohooo, I'm back online folks. I've had two years of free internet but since February I haven't been able to get online unless I'm at a coffee shop. But as of today, a very nice young man came and installed internet at my house...so I'm up and running!

MIA

2009-03-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

I've been so busy with getting CRT tests ready for both schools and then my own school work that I haven't been able to keep ya'll updated. But I am alive.....barely on some days. Here's a pic for you of a project I made for my office last month.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

Assertiveness

2009-01-28T17:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

Maybe my last letter didn't reach you. Maybe it was blown away in the wind that so frequents our area. So instead of getting angry with you, I will err on the side of you not recieving my last notification.

As I write this letter, all I can hear is POUND. POUND. POUND. as you exercise to whatever it is you are exercising to. Now, I'm all for exercising as I go to the gym twice a day, but I don't necessarily think it is a good thing to POUND. POUND. POUND away when you have a downstairs neighbor. If I had a working video camera I'd record the POUND. POUND. POUND. and the way my ceiling caves in with each POUND. POUND. POUND. By the way, are you understanding that the constant POUND. POUND. POUND. is bothering me? Oh, and I know I may be a bit strange for hanging windchimes in my house and I really do love the sound they make accompanied by your POUND. POUND. POUND. but I find it odd that my indoor windchimes make noise at all.

I was wondering if by chance, you would like to invest in a gym membership to possibly save my hearing and my sanity? You see, at the gym you can make all the POUND. POUND. POUND noise you would like. It's appropriate there. But it is not appropriate when you live above someone. Sometimes I wonder if one day you will crash through the ceiling and land in my living room. If so, do I get reimbursed for the furniture you break in my house?

In conclusion, I heartily support your need for exercise, but please get a gym membership. I will glad help sponser it for you just so I can have some peace and quiet in my home. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Your Downstairs Neighbor

2009-01-28T05:25:00.000-08:00

Superbowl Snacks

Bacon-Wrapped Jalapeno's

3 simple ingredients:

Jalapenos (as many as you want)
Bacon (make sure you have enough when cut to cover all the jalapenos)
Cream Cheese

Directions:

Cut jalapenos lengthwise in half.
De-seed using a spoon. If you have sensitive skin, you may want to wear gloves to do this. I know others have been bothered by this but everytime I do it, it doesn't seem to phase me. It must just be my spicy food upbringing!
Spread cream cheese in jalapenos. Don't worry about being neat, go ahead, make a little of a mess, I give you permission! :)
Cut bacon slices into thirds. Once cut, wrap a piece around the jalapeno and secure with a toothpick.
Cook at 375 for 20-25 minutes.
And now indulge in a little snack while watching the Superbowl. Go Cardinals!!!!!

*And thanks goes out to Susie for this amazing recipe.

2009-01-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

Pasta e Fagioli

The name means "pasta and beans" and it is a traditional Italian soup. It is a great way to use some orphan cans of beans and the various small portions of pasta in your pantry (be sure to use small pastas that are all about the same size to assure even cooking).

1 medium onion
2 medium carrots
1 can (28 ounces) red kidney beans
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon dried oregano (I didn't have any)
1 can (14 ounces) diced tomatoes (I used diced tomatoes with oregano already in it)
2 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1/2 teaspoon Tabasco sauce
4 ounces small dry pasta
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
Bacon if you so choose (I didn't use any)

Prep:
Cut onion into 1/2 inch dice. Cut carrots in half lengthwise and slice thinly crosswise. Cut bacon into 1/2 inch dice. Rinse beans well and drain.

Cook:
(I didn't read any of this but just started dumping everything in the pan)

Heat a heavy 4-quart saucepan over medium heat and add oil. Add onions and carrots and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, 3-4 minutes. Add the bacon and oregano and cook, stirring for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes, with their juices, along with the beans, broth Tabasco sauce, and salt and pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes.
Cook pasta according to package directions. Drain and distribute among 4 large soup bowls. Ladle the soup over the top. Serves 4.

*I made this last night, minus the bacon, and it was wonderful. I'm a bit crazy and liked the kick from the Tabasco sauce so I added a bit more. Must be my Southern California up-bringing!

Tagged

2009-01-12T17:30:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by Courtney.

Here goes:

1. Five names you go by:
Summer, SumSum, Sumofthat, Winter, Miss Davis (or teacher)

2. Three things you are wearing right now:
PJ pants, T-shirt, bright red glasses

3. Two things you want right now:
Coffee, chocolate....but I can't. Our church is on the Daniel Fast. Only a little over a week left

4. Two things you did last night:
Took a nap, went to Small Group

5. Two things you ate today:
Veggie sandwich from Subway, yummy pasta soup that I'll post tomorrow for Tasty Tuesday

6. Two things you are doing tomorrow:
Going to the gym, working....boring, I know!

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:
Grandma, co-worker Shannon

8. Two longest car rides:
To California and back by myself, to California and back with Adam

9. Two favorite beverages:
Coffee, Mango Margarita from Chili's

10. People you tag:
Laura Beth

Rewind

2009-01-05T18:45:00.000-08:00

Rewind back to Christmas Day. Most people get to enjoy a leisurely day of opening presents, a breakfast feast and lounging in pj's all morning. Wish I could say the same. It started well but by 8:30am.....YES 8:30am on CHRISTMAS morning my day came to a screeching halt. Please, read below.

8:30am: Cooking breakfast. Getting the coffee going. Humming along to my Christmas music....when I turn around and there right outside my living room window stood a man, with his back to me. Okay, first thought - maybe he's my new neighbor (diagonally above me...I live in a four-plex) and he's waiting for a ride. Who knows...it could happen!

8:50am: Tried to eat my breakfast in peace. Poured a cup of coffee....tried to enjoy it. Man still outside my window but had continually walked around out front, however he now is holding a broom stick. No broom attached. Just the broom stick. A phone call to Alisha ensues to tell her about the situation, she reports that her father-in-law is heading right over. Notice, I did not call the cops yet.

While waiting for Mike (Alisha's father-in-law) the man with the broom stick bangs on my door and rings my doorbell a few times. What happened to my leisurely Christmas morning? Now I have downed two cups of coffee. As if I needed them! And I still hadn't called the cops yet.

So Mike arrives, comes into my house and loads his pistol. Goes back outside and starts talking to the guy. Guy refuses to answer him. And now is when I decide to call the cops (don't ask me why I waited so long!). But now enters the cop before I can even call (my next door neighbor is smarter than I am). So after the cop escorts broomstick man to his car, he talks with Mike. And then he comes and talks to me. I'm going to be honest....the only thing running through my mind is "Thank goodness the house is clean, I've showered and have make-up on and am dressed. And the house smells very inviting!"

9:30am:
Cop: How are you doing ma'm?

Me: Pretty good. It's been an interesting Christmas morning. One for the books. How's your morning going? My you are a fine looking officer, you married?

Cop: It's been an interesting morning as well. No, I'm not married, and I must say, you look very beautiful this Christmas morning. Well, Summer, we have dealt with broomstick man before and he appears to be high on drugs so I will be taking him away.

Me: Why thank you for your compliment. I appreciate your involvement with broomstick man. He gave me quite a spook once I realized he was not my new neighbor. Do you have to work all day today?

Cop: I'm sorry for your scare today, but I'm not sorry I had to come and rescue you. I do have to work all day today. Say, what are you doing tomorrow night?

Me: Tomorrow night? Nothing that I can think of.

Cop: May I take you out to dinner? A nice relaxing meal without a crazy broomstick guy bothering us.

Me: I would love that. See you at 6?

Cop: Sure thing.

Okay, so some of that was slightly fabricated, but it sounds good doesn't it? Just let me live a little in my fantasy world. By the way, he was a very good looking cop. But I completely forgot to check out his left hand for a ring. I was a bit preoccupied. Oh well! And that is how my Christmas morning began.

White Christmas

2008-12-25T18:22:00.000-08:00

I prayed SO MUCH for a White Christmas....and LOOK.....SNOWWWWWWWWWWWW! :D

And here's a few more pictures from my Christmas dinner with the Heafners.

And oh boy do I have a story to tell ya about my VERY interesting morning. But that will have to wait until tomorrow!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

2008-12-25T09:40:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to you from Madison (she's a little camera shy)

and I! :D

2008-12-13T20:31:00.001-08:00

The snow was blowing sideways.

I think I'll move back to California.

Conversations with Sarah

2008-12-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

Sarah: Miss Summer?

Me: Yes, bugs?

Sarah: This is Sally.

Me: What?????

Sarah: Sally.

Me: Okay. Are you talking about my car?

Sarah: Yes. Hers name is Sally.

Me: Okay. Sally. Got it. New name.

Sarah: And my mommy's car is Lightening.

Me: (Light bulb finally turns on). Oh I get it!!! What's daddy's car then?

Sarah: Mater. And your car is Sally, mommy's is Lightening.

Me: Okay. Sounds good.

Sarah: And Uncle Cory's car is Mater 2. And Aunt Kim's is Flo.

Me: Sounds like you've got them all covered.

Sarah: Miss Summer? Can I have hot milk?

Me: Hot milk? What? (I seriously cannot keep up with the change in topics!). Really, hot milk?

Sarah: Yes, please.

Me: Okay. (How can I not give it to her when she asks so politely and with that sweet little three year old smile).

I love that little one. I took her to Seasame Street Live. She calls all the characters "monsters"...but in a good way. Pictures to come.

The results of my competitiveness...with KIDS!!!!

2008-12-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

Real Story: I was playing in the gym with some students. It was 2 against 1 (me). We were using the huge soccer ball. And I mean HUGE! I went to get it, slipped, and fell. And I wasn't wearing any shoes cause it's hard to play with heels on. Oh, and I won....12 to 2. :D Doctor's results: sprained wrist. It's so perty!

Here's the story I'm gonna stick with: I saw a puppy in a tree and wanted to rescue it from the puppy-eating-squirrel. So I climbed the tree, rescued the puppy to the handsome fireman below but slipped on the last branch and with the fireman tending the puppy he didn't have enough time to rescue me from peril. I landed on my arm and tore my stockings. That's my story. Yep. Sounds good to me!

The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear!

2008-12-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

More pictures of my decorating experience....

All the boxes from storage

My organization process:

This fire lasted 10 minutes, then it died. That's what I get for trying to light real firewood. And that's why I usually buy the Duraflame logs. Even I can light those and have a nice fire for a few hours!

"It's Christmas....and I'm excited"

2008-12-02T18:56:00.000-08:00

Quick! What movie is that from??????!!!!!!

Here are the Christmas pics I promised...

The view as you turn right and enter my home

I thoroughly enjoy my fireplace! And look, a baby tree!

If you look closely, you'll see the ornaments hung along the garland. My friend LB's idea.

If only I had taken the window pics today....all you'd see out side is snow! Maybe tomorrow. Oh and that blue screen from my TV......I had David Klinkenberg's instrumental Christmas music playing through the DVD player. It's so peaceful!

And one more quote for ya....

"I'm singing, I'm in a store, and I'm siiiiiiiiiiingiiiiiiiing!"

Black Friday Loot

2008-11-28T09:19:00.000-08:00

2 pillows
2 boxes of Christmas lights

1 Wreath (that lights up)

1 Garland (that lights up)

1 Santa Door Wreath Holder

1 Chronicles of Narnia Movie

1 Transformers Movie

1 Package of Play Dough (for my work)

Total Saved: $58.13

Now that makes me smile! :D

*Oh, and I had high ambitions of picking up the movie "The Goonies" (only $3.98!) from Target, but when I got there, they were all sold out. However, my dad had called and they were at Target in California and picked one up for me! :D

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-27T17:06:00.000-08:00

Originally I had planned on staying home and relaxing, cooking a ham and small meal for myself....BUT........I wound up going to Laura Beth's. She had quite a houseful and the afternoon was enjoyable. You gotta love her place settings! She is so amazing, and her kids are cute too!

And here's one of Kim Forbrook and I....(just for you Jen Canada!)

I also decorated my little place for Christmas.....but those pics will have to wait for another day. Hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving! :)

#6 in the 6th!

2008-11-26T13:41:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged. Object of this little diddy is to go into the sixth picture folder to the sixth picture, then post. So....here it is....my sixth picture. This was taken way back in high school. Geez....just look at how young Sarah and Ryan were (now they are 16 and 20)! This was up near Mammoth, California. A couple of days after Christmas, my cousins and I would pack up and drive to my uncle's house where we would go skiing, sledding, and even pond-skating! Oh and don't forget the late-night trips to the natural hot-tubs! So much fun!!!!! As you can see here we were skating on a natural pond.....no Zamboni here! It was so bumpy that if you weren't careful you'd get your toe-pick caught in a rut and land face first on the ice. But that sure didn't stop us from playing a couple of rounds of hockey and trying out new skating tricks. :)

So, if you want to do this diddy....you may. Have a great Thanksgiving!!!!!

I see the light!

2008-11-22T20:21:00.001-08:00

Today marks the last time I have to drive to Havre for school. Yep, you read that correctly. No. More. Driving. To. Havre. I do believe I shall throw a party just over that little fact. That little two lane road, when covered by snow and snow drifts, does not make it a relaxing drive. I'm still amazed that I made it home that horrible weekend last April. No, I would rather have the weather and road look like it did today. A little bit cloudy with clear roads all the way. :)

I cannot believe I'm almost done with this latest trek in my life. Just two more classes and I am done. Seriously! One of the classes is an independent study on ethics, and the other is a group therapy class here in Great Falls....but not until April. I have free weekends until April. Whatever shall I do? I cannot remember what to do with free time. Oh wait, I know. Maybe I can rest and try to get over this cold I've had for the last couple of weeks. Other than that, some free reading books that do not resemble a textbook sound heavenly. So wonderful, that I'm leaving the blogsphere to read such book.....

All in a day's work!

2008-11-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

Before 8:30 this morning I had accomplished the laundry, a trip to Walmart, picking up and vacuuming the house, dishes, a shower and a tasty breakfast!

And by 2pm, I have finished watching the fourth season of Gilmore Girls! Maybe next, I'll accomplish some homework. On the other hand....the first season of Lost is beckoning me!

Gotta love *cough, cough* "sick days". More on the reason for that later!

Protesting

2008-11-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

Apparently Madison doesn't want me to go to class in Havre either. At least we agree on one thing.
And no, I do not pack a lot for a weekend course. I just like this suitcase cause it's on wheels and can hold my little fan in it (to block out all the kids running up and down the halls).

2008-11-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

i. cannot. wait. until. i. am. done. with. school.

homework + me = naptime

I like crispy......

2008-11-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

BUT.....this crispy?
So, I got a little distracted reading blogs while my wimpy homemade pizza was cooking...and as a result I had a very crispy pizza. But, I still ate it. I was HUNGRY afterall!

Good thing I only cook for myself! Seriously, this is not how I normally cook. Most of the time I make really yummy healthy meals...I had a great dinner the other night.....tiliapia, baked potato, zucchini and squash!

Please don't let this dinner keep me single forever! I can cook! REALLY!!!!

28 for my 28th!

2008-10-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

28 years later....

2008-10-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

Corn Maize

2008-10-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from this past weekend's adventure with Rachel and Alisha!

AND NOW LET'S JUMP!!!!!

Ten on Monday...cause I won't remember tomorrow!

2008-09-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

1. I wish I had pictures of this weekend's adventure to post.

2. But I don't.

3. You'll have to wait until Rachel emails the pics from our "Corn Maize" with Alisha.

4. Yes, we went to a corn maze, and got lost after the second clue.....but those two having amazing map reading abilities and were able to find the exit.

5. They had a hay jump. That was more fun than the maze. And I took some amazing shots of Alisha and Rachel jumping. Susie would be proud!

6. Again, I wish I had pictures to post. *Note to self....add a digital camera to wish list.

7. I've hit a few speed bumps in my job....but it just slowed me down a bit, and now we're back on track.

8. The leaves are turning yellow and red. I LOVE IT!!!!

9. I must quit procrastinating and get out on a drive to capture the beautiful colors.....and then remember to get the film developed!

10. I confess. I'm addicted to Dancing with the Stars. There. I now need help.

I'm gonna hang with the Kindergartners!

2008-09-09T16:00:00.000-07:00

A conversation from yesterday:

Kindergartner #1: I like your toe nail polish. It's bright.
Me: Thanks. I like fun stuff.
Kindergartner #2: I like you. You're really pretty.
Me: Thanks. I like you too. I like your compliments.

A conversation from today from a different class:
Kindergartner #1: I like your necklace.
Me: Thanks. (I'm trying to get them back to the focus of our lesson...but more hands raise).
Kindergartner #2: I like your shoes.
Me: Thanks again. So...back to our lesson.
Kindergartner #3: You're pretty.
Me: Thanks again. You guys are great at giving compliments. I see we don't need to cover that next week. Marvelous job kindergartners. Marvelous job.

*Seriously, I think I'm going to camp out in the kindergarten rooms. They sure know how to make my day, even if they are in the midst of a compliment war. :D